I Miss Ruby Today
Updated: Mar 17
Today is a beautiful day, full of promise and renewal. Time to shake winter off and look forward to the hope spring brings with it.
Can't help but think of Ruby today. On a day like this, we'd be out exploring the beauty nature has to offer. Is it a betrayal to start thinking of a new puppy, I ask myself? My heart aches when I think of replacing my special furball because there will never be another one like her. She was one in a million.
Her favourite walks were along the Vedder River, especially in the spring as nature woke up from its winter slumber. With my rubber boots on, together we'd go swishing through the shallow water of the river as it gently flowed into the Fraser River. Wherever I'd go, Ruby would follow. Her devotion always apparent as she constantly looked back to check on me. Such a little thing, but her personality was huge.
It feels like a betrayal to Ruby to entertain the thought of adopting another dog. Yet, I miss her so much that maybe a new dog will help ease the longing I feel for her. Been calling the SPCA and looking online at the listings on PetFinder, but, haven't been able to move past that. Each day I come across something around the house that belonged to Ruby, as if she's still trying to love me from the great beyond, little reminders that she's with me. I can't stress enough just how special Ruby was...
So where do I go from here? Do I adopt or wait longer? Should I adopt another dog at all? Will I be around long enough to devote the time she/he will need? So many questions with no clarity in sight. I'm stuck at the ache in my heart from missing Ruby so much.
Have I told you how amazing she was? Yeah, I know, I have, many, many times. She is where she needs to be though, maybe waiting for me to arrive. On her last day, I did ask God to take her from me if she was in pain because I knew I would not be able to put her to sleep if she was. He did, while she looked at me with love in her eyes as I carried her to the vet, knowing full well she was never coming home again.
Shortly after we left Ruby at the vet to be cremated, we went for a walk at her favourite place and could sense her jumping around our feet, as if she was there with us, happy and pain free. She was clearly between two worlds, seeing us and not sure what was happening to her. The visual that she was sprawled on her tummy, on the floor, refusing to move because she was waiting for me, was very vivid. I sensed this for a few days after she left us, but then a tall figure appeared, she sat up, looked up at it and seemed to understand and follow this entity. It took several days before the sensation that Ruby had found her footing, wherever she may be now, finally sunk in with me.
What do I do now that this connection has been severed and should I even consider adopting another dog? Feedback is greatly appreciated.